


Something Warm And Sweet.

by orphan_account



Category: Glee
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Depression, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-13
Updated: 2013-03-13
Packaged: 2017-12-05 04:35:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/718946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian hates hospitals.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Warm And Sweet.

Sebastian hates hospitals. They're too bright, too clean and so impersonal. He's getting used to them though, because it's certainly not like it's the first time he's ever been here. It's usually for similar reasons, too.

He has a history with these things, after all.

* * *

His first attempt was when he was twelve and had started to realize he was attracted to other men, specifically older men. He had a crush on his math teacher, and when the other boys at his school had found out, they wouldn't let it go. He'd never had friends, but now people seemed to actively hate him. He retaliated by hating all of them just as much, but eventually it was too much. He was frightened to tell his parents, wondering if they'd be supportive or just as cruel, but he could never fathom the former scenario.

When he was finally let out of the hospital, he called his parents the same night and decided to tell them. He's not sure what reaction he was expecting, some part of him hoped they would hate him for it, give him reason to try again. They told him they were glad he'd let them know, and said nothing more on the subject. Sebastian didn't know what he was feeling then.

* * *

The second time had come when he was fifteen. He still had no friends, he was still so alone. Nobody wanted to talk to him, wanted anything to do with him. They didn't harass him for liking men anymore, they just hated him for who he was. He didn't know how to let go of his defences, he just blindly snapped at anyone who tried to come near him. He wouldn't let them hurt him again.

He snuck into a gay bar for the first time then, had his first taste of alcohol and lost his virginity to someone he couldn't even recognize that morning when they were yelling at him about finding his student ID. He felt sick with himself, and wondered if it always felt this horrible afterwards.

When he got home from the hospital, he drank some more. He felt disgusting afterwards, his head pounding and his stomach sick, but Sebastian decided the remedy to that was to never let there be an afterwards.

* * *

The third time, he was seventeen. Some jackass that he'd met at the only decent gay bar in town had tried to kill himself, and all Sebastian could remember was that he'd insulted him, that he might have been responsible for it. His mind flooded with memories that were better left forgotten and he desperately wished he could.

When he left the hospital that time, he never acknowledged that it had happened. He smiled and lied about where he'd been. He went out to the same bar that night, a strange feeling settling in his gut. He drank and drank, but nothing seemed to make it go away, until a man sat next to him at the bar and smiled at him with sparkling blue eyes and the most gorgeous face he'd ever seen. He asked Sebastian if he was okay, and Sebastian realized how few people had ever actually asked him that before. He nodded and turned away, but the man pressed on, saying he looked a little ill and was he sure he should be drinking so much?

By the end of the night, Sebastian went home with him, but they never had sex. When morning came, he realized he didn't know the man's name.

"Cooper, pleased to meet you," he'd laughed, and Sebastian felt something warm and sweet bubbling up in his chest at the noise.

* * *

The fourth time... it was different. He'd found out this perfect, wonderful man had a little brother, one named Blaine. He felt like throwing up the second Cooper said those words, dread lacing his mind and fear taking over him. He'd found someone who was sweet, understanding, patient and actually enjoyed having him around... and he'd actually managed to fuck all of it up before he'd even met the man. He wanted to be proud of himself for managing such a feat.

He held off on saying anything, wanting to enjoy this for as long as he could, pushing the impending sense of doom as far back in his mind as it could go. Cooper wanted him to meet Blaine, and Sebastian couldn't tell him that he already had without destroying the best thing he'd ever known.

Blaine had looked at him suspiciously, but didn't say anything. Sebastian had tried too hard to be polite, begging with his eyes for Blaine to stay quiet, to not ruin this for him. He should have known better.

It's late that night when he hears them talking, whispering furiously to each other at the bottom of the stair well. He hears a few choice words escape Blaine's lips ("slushie", "harassed", "creep") and he panics. He bolts from the house, still half-dressed and smelling of Cooper, and doesn't look back.

When he wakes up in the hospital, Cooper is beside him.

* * *

There are obvious tracks of dried up tears running from his tired looking eyes while he sits quietly and plays with his phone. Sebastian just stares at him for a while, not really comprehending his presence. It feels out of place. Something he loves so much doesn't feel right in a place he hates so fiercely.

"Why did you do it?"

Sebastian assumes he's talking about hurting his little brother and shrugs, "I don't know, really... If it helps, I was aiming for Kurt," he says quietly. Cooper looks quite alarmed at this before confusion overtakes his features.

"Not that," he mutters, shaking his head, "I mean," he sighs angrily, sounding so frustrated and exhausted with everything, "you know what I mean," he says.

Sebastian nods silently, but he just shrugs again. He doesn't really want to say it out loud, that he was scared Cooper would hate him, that he would lose this. He honestly doesn't understand why he hasn't.

"I love you, Bas," Cooper says suddenly and earnestly, "you know that, don't you?"

Sebastian nods again, a little more conviction in it now, but confusion is evident on his face.

"I'm pissed about what you did to Blaine, but he told me you apologized for it, so I'm more mad that you lied to me and told me you didn't even know him," Sebastian wracks his brain because he can't remember apologizing for it, but he vaguely recalls doing something like that after the guy from Scandals tried to off himself and isn't surprised he can't remember anything from that time. He apologizes to Cooper for lying, but doesn't say anything else.

"Do you know how scared I was? Fuck, I thought I'd lost you," there are fresh tears spilling from his eyes now, his face starting to contort in misery, "I don't want to lose you," he says brokenly and he pulls Sebastian close then, holding him tightly, and Sebastian lets himself relax a little into the warm embrace. It feels like the first night he was with Cooper.

He had been fully clothed and lying next to him, having just broken down crying, too drunk to stop himself or care, sobbing angrily about everything that had happened and Cooper had just pulled him close and held him, forgetting all about the filthy promises Sebastian had made (although he did later get around to fulfilling them) and just comforted him, letting Sebastian feel safe and cared for and Sebastian couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so contented.

"No one's ever visited me before," he says quietly, burying his face in Cooper's shoulder. His parents were always too busy, off somewhere else with their lives and their jobs; he never had any friends, no one to care when he wished he would die.

Cooper doesn’t say anything, he just hugs Sebastian a little tighter and rubs circles on Sebastian’s back, hoping to soothe him and make things a little better, and Sebastian feels something warm and sweet bubbling up in his chest at the motion.

END.


End file.
